Relationship Dating — The Art of Finding the Right Match

There are many reasons to date. You can date for fun, for entertainment, for companionship, for sex, or like a large majority of the people out there, to find a meaningful and fulfilling relationship.  This time honored and frustrating endeavor is what we have chosen to call relationship dating.

Although we separated dating into various categories based on our motivations, don’t be fooled, they can all really be traced back to finding fulfillment and meaning in our interactions with another human being.  Below I will give you some examples of what I mean:

So let’s date for fun!? 

Dating for fun…or sex…is a search for meaning and fulfillment.  Yes, you read correctly, let me elaborate.  Dating is full of frustration, tension, subliminal messages, attack and parry.  For most of us this hardly sounds like much fun.  There are some people out there though who find this “game” enthralling.  It is their equivalent of extreme sports!  But… why is dating so exciting for them?  The answer is validation.   It’s the same reason people jump out of planes and love rollercoaster’s.

In this validation people find fulfillment and meaning…but I digress…

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For the rest of us that find dating akin to a dentist visit, and in the spirit of simplicity which characterizes us, here are some key nuggets of wisdom which should help us gain perspective when we are thinking:  “What the hell am I doing?!”

Don’t pretend:  Some people feel that the only way to find your significant other is to join the club scene, go bar hopping and overindulge on martinis.  If that life is not you, then why join?  Unless you want to find people who have little in common with you this seems a low success rate proposition. 

Do more of what you like, be more of what you are.  Share yourself.  If you like cooking, join a cooking class, offer dinner parties for your friends and their acquaintances, give the restaurant chef unsolicited advice. 

The idea is to find ways to both expand your circle of experience and at the same time do something you enjoy.  At these moments you will be legitimately yourself, and you will be showing the best of you.    

Look deep:  Another thing that generally happens when dating is that we give the physical appearance of our dates incredibly high importance.  Guys do this without question.  Although it is less pronounced in women, it happens just the same. 

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Obviously there must be an attraction for a relationship to develop, but you might find that the initial attraction has many more components than just physical appearance.  Like anything else, appearances fade. 

People change, they might gain weight, lose their hair, loose muscle tone, their tan will fade, just like you and me; they are real people in the flow of life, not a snapshot in time.  You want to look for other things which have a higher impact on the success of a long term relationship.

Perfect is just a word: One way in which we sometimes sabotage our own efforts is by giving that little thing that bothers us about our potential mate so much importance, that we kill the whole endeavor.  No one is perfect, we all pass gas, we all get pimples, we all stink when sweaty, we all get cranky on occasion.  So…look at the big picture. 

Be there:  To use a very common sports analogy, to win the game you have to play.  If you go straight from work to home to sitting on the couch and watching the latest TV series to bed, and back to work again the next morning you are definitely less likely to meet someone…anyone! 

Put yourself out there… take that last minute invitation, call that person you said you would call to get together three weeks ago… 

Go ahead and DO! If you screw up, wipe the slate clean, and DO some more…

If you are of the more adventurous type you can also do some naughtier stuff and explore alternative dating.  It’s up to you.