Marriage Dating — Walking the Razor's Edge

It’s truly amazing the number of legitimized dating sites that are online that cater to not just singles, but married people looking for affairs. That’s right, married dating! Flings are nothing new, of course. Affairs have been happening for as long as cave dwellers have been choosing mates. But this well… let me elaborate.

What is most surprising is the number of “so-called” respected dating services that do encourage men and women to have affairs

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Many of these dating services have gotten exposure from shows like “Dr. Phil”, “Today”, “The Ellen DeGeneres Show”, etc. This does bring up a point that should be considered. Just because a service gets national mention in the media does not necessarily mean the message is a healthy one.

Overall, and despite the so called “free alternative dating” movement, most marriage counselors and relationship experts would agree whole heartedly that monogamous relationships are not just healthy for us, but also seem to be in our nature. Simple marriage advice: Our marriages thrive in harmony. Harmony can only exist in honest effort.

When we fall in love with that special person and the feelings are reciprocated, this is no accident; this seems to be a part of the overall human design. This is what real commitment and family values are about. But in today’s world, there is a lot of added pressure, stress and confusion heaped upon us. The family unity, along with our inner values, can get lost in a lot of mixed signals. The media is only one example where many of us have gotten lost. When the media becomes the message, then quite often, we will see double standards being applied. When we see people we admire in the news having extra-marital affairs, this can be confusing.

Married dating is like walking the razor’s edge, playing with fire, pick your metaphor for dangerous. This simply is a fact. Men and women will usually begin looking around for different reasons, but the effects are generally the same. Profound hurt over betrayal, trust is compromised and often, the marriage will not survive taking extra-marital hits. Most experts concur: Even married dating under the “open marriage” rule, in time, will undermine the larger bond and commitment between husband and wife.

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When you consider that the dating industry itself is a multi-million dollar concern, it is easier to read between the lines. Many of these services are telling you that married dating is Ok to practice. This comes from a business objective and nothing more. The competition is very tight for new customers. When married dating is a part of the package, this opens up a whole area of clientele that the dating services can cater to besides the “singles” market.

Many of us fantasize and dream about the “what ifs” that we don’t have in our lives. Living out our lives vicariously through others can sometimes even be a healthy thing.

Married dating will always present a picture of the grass being greener on the other side. But this is rarely the case when acted upon.

It is true, as time moves forward, that more couples than ever before are ending their marriages in divorce. But there are also more people on the planet than ever before getting married. The number one reason the married couples get divorced today is disillusionment in the relationship. Marriage, like any other relationship, takes work and commitment. When people begin to take their marriages for granted, often times they do not know why they are feeling restless and having second thoughts.

The online dating services that cater to married dating are so appealing because they offer the anonymity of the Internet. Discretion is one of the first key triggers they can offer you. If no one knows who you really are, you can become someone else. After all, there are many others who are having flings through these online dating services.

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Consider that the nagging desire to have an extramarital affair is almost always associated with something more profound and deeper that is not being taken care of in the relationship. Working on the real issues together with your spouse will only prove to strengthen the bond between you. Everyone needs help at one time or another. If problems in the relationship seem insurmountable, consider consulting with a relationship expert. Marriage counselors and relationship experts are equipped to deal with problems in marriage that can’t be resolved easily.

The point is that most people have a lot of time and commitment invested in their marriages. Often times, children are very much a part of the picture and the impact on their lives needs to be taken into account. All of the options have to be evaluated before coming to the conclusion that resolution can only be reached through separation or divorce.

You need to feel that you did everything in your power to make things work. If you don’t, it will haunt you in the future.

Married dating will never strengthen a marriage. At best, it may look tantalizing from the outside, but in practice will only cause guilt, pain, shame and distrust. In a short word…DON’T.

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