Dealing With Anger

Dealing with anger in relationships is a challenge that all couples must face. I am not discriminating here, I am talking about all levels of anger. When you are on the receiving side it is actually easier to deal with than when you are the angry one. Once you are angry, you say things you don’t mean and most certainly what comes out of your mouth will detract from your relationship. Anger is an emotion that comes from feeling threatened in some way. If you look at it this way, it is a form of fear. Make no mistake; the direct result of anger will always be negative. Here, I will explain some ways that you can go about dealing with anger in relationships so that it can be caught before it surfaces…or mitigated when it does.

Common Causes of Outbursts

When it comes to dealing with anger in relationships, it is important to first understand the situations that may result in this potentially destructive type of emotion. The following situations may cause an emotionally explosive outburst:

  • Stress — Many couples experience a high level of stress in their lives, and this often comes out while with their partner. This stress may be related to the career of the individual, finances, schooling, home life, and several other situations.
  • Communications — There are some cases in which the communication is broke down in the relationship, and it may lead to frustration. In turn, an angry explosion will occur.
  • Health — Being exhausted injured, or having a medical condition may result in inappropriate outbursts.
  • Coping with Anger

    Coping with anger is essential for having a happy, productive relationship. The best antidote for angry outbursts is to not get angry! Once you are already angry it is very, very, difficult to maintain control. So, I recommend developing what Victor Davich in his book 8 minute meditation calls “Mindfulness Muscle”. Through regular simple meditation you can exercise your “mindfulness muscle” and create space between the offending incident and your reaction, giving you the time to work through the points below, even before your anger gets the best of you:

  1. The first thing that you should do when you get angry is step away from the situation for a little bit and try to determine the “who”, “what”, “when” , and “why” of your anger. In many cases, you will discover that if you do this, you can approach the issue at hand in the most constructive way possible.
  • If you have experienced anger with your spouse, and you have found that you are in the wrong, do not be afraid to admit it. It may sound stupid, but yes… say you are sorry… it works!
  • If you are angry, it is important that you refrain from blaming and even belittling your partner. If you do, these are things that are tough to take back. Hurtful words are burned in the minds of our loved ones and whether we like it or not, they have an ongoing impact.
  • You should work to ensure that you communicate the reasons that you are angry with your partner. This goes back to communication and the Open, Honest and Respectful principles that are discussed in the Communication section.
  • Next, you should sit down and create a plan where you and your partner work out your differences. This is the action part of the issue, and should be the stage where you work to resolve the issue.
  • If you follow the steps listed here for dealing with anger in relationships, you will quickly find that all complications can be resolved in a constructive manner.

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